Is it possible that I had diabetes burnout from the time I was diagnosed until recently? Or does that just make me more in denial about my own reality? Either way I do NOT want to go back there.

I know diabetes is not like a "diet" where I can lose 5 five pounds then fall off the band wagon. It's forever. It never leaves.

Sometimes it can be overwhelming, and for me it was for seven years. As I have stated in this blog, things have seriously changed with managing my diabetes lately. In the short amount of time I have turned myself around and I feel SO much better. This must be what runners say about running, that it's addictive. (Because I always thought, REALLY? Because I hate running lol Wish I had that addiction!)

I am getting worried that now I will face that place again. I know I don't want to go back there. What are ways that you keep yourself from going there or going back there? One thing I can tell that is working is this online community. Seeing other people struggle with the same things I do.

Obviously the consequences of not staying on top of diabetes are HUGE, but why is it sometimes that isn't enough? Ironic actually, because most people are so afraid to live in the NOW, where I am afraid to live in the future.

Knowing that controlling our numbers is only part of the equation is terrifying. KNOWING that even if I try MY BEST, potentially there could still be a bleak future for me.

I know technology is changing, and I can't think like that, blah blah-but guess what people?-IT HAPPENS. At least to me anyway. Sometimes I look at my feet and I wonder what I would do if I didn't have them. I love dancing so much, and to not be able to dance every again would tear me apart. Or when I look at something beautiful I wonder if in my future I will not be able to see. I wouldn't be able to keep my job, or drive, and the list goes on and on.

If I am thinking like this, imagine what my parents are thinking? Being a parent of a diabetic must the most terrifying thing. A parent can only do so much. It is the diabetics responsibility to manage their care but to NOT be the person in control must be extra terrifying.

I know this isn't the most pleasant of posts. But if I am going to be blogging about this, I feel it important to posts the real realities of what is going on in my head.

On a happier note, I really do LOVE my Brighton bracelet. I haven't taken in off in fact! It looks great with my watch and I have received several complements already. It's a great conversation piece as well, since every knows that the ribbon stands for some sort of charity. I just wish there were more jewelery fundraising options. And not little kid jewelery made out of plastic. Know of any? I love sterling silver, so anything like that out there? Can't blame a girl for trying ;)